Same Newsletter, Bigger Questions

A Performance Anxiety newsletter update

When I started learning to code, I believed I was escaping a broken system. After years of competing for a shrinking number of fine arts teaching jobs during the Great Recession, I was burned out and desperate for stability. I had internalized the message that my struggle to thrive as a teacher was my own failure, not the result of a system designed to extract maximum value while offering minimum support. In 2014, the Obama-era techno-optimism promised salvation: Learn to code, and all your problems will be solved.

The Problem Is Bigger Than Our Individual Choices

Throughout my career, I've cycled through the same pattern repeatedly:

1. Find a new job that I feel great about

2. Work hard to prove my work, occasionally succeeding early on

3. Hit an invisible ceiling where working harder doesn't translate to recognition

4. Burn out from trying to meet impossible expectations

5. Convince myself the next job will be different

Each time, I've blamed myself for not being strategic enough, not communicating effectively enough, not setting boundaries effectively enough. But after multiple rounds of this cycle across different companies and roles, I've come to recognize a painful truth: the problem isn't me. The problem is work itself.

Our current capitalist system is designed to prioritize growth and profit over human well-being. We have seen this over and over, and right now, this capitalist system is winning. American democracy is falling apart, but we still have to go to work.

What I’ll Be Exploring

I have explored many topics related to work in this newsletter before, including the power dynamics of consulting, what community resilience can teach us about work, and the enshittification of government work, and I want to continue that theme in a slightly more structured way.

I am one person with one set of experiences, but I don’t want to write only about myself. I recognize that my experiences as a college-educated white woman working in tech and education are not universal. For this reason, I want to do my research. From time to time, I hope to send out surveys, conduct interviews, and include guest writers. I want to know about your experiences in the workplace, on the job market, and as a person living in late-stage American capitalism.

Some topics I want to cover include:

• Power dynamics between employees and employers: How the illusion of choice masks profound power imbalances

• The broken tech job search: Why finding a job feels like a dehumanizing full-time job itself

• Self-employment and the gig economy: Examining what actually helps workers versus what simply repackages exploitation

• AI and the future of work: Beyond the hype and fear, what might AI mean for our relationship with labor?

I'm approaching these topics not as an expert with all the answers, but as someone grappling with these questions alongside you.

Finding Hope in the Wreckage

I recently listened to an interview John Stewart did with Pete Buttigieg on The Weekly Show, and he said this:

“So the FDR era kind of New Deal federal government, as we have known it our whole lives, is gone. Or at least it will be gone by the time these guys are done with it. The international order, economically and security wise, the post World War II transatlantic security framework, the assumptions around how alliances work and how the US fits in with them, and obviously, assumptions around trade, as we've known it for my entire adult life, is gone, or will be gone by the time these guys are done with it. So it's time to take a breath and say, OK, are we really, if and when we get a chance to put it back together, are we just going to scramble back to create the closest copy we can to the thing they just smashed? Or are we going to design something a little bit better?"

This is just as true about work as it is about the government. Our systems are breaking—some through deliberate dismantling, others through their own internal contradictions. This collapse is painful, but it also creates space to imagine something new.

I’m currently deep into academic philosophy (shout out to two of my new heroes, Elizabeth Anderson and Nancy Frasier), oral histories, and sociological research. The ideas for better ways of organizing work exist—in history, philosophy, and sociology—but they rarely reach those of us most affected by broken systems. My hope is that by bringing these perspectives into conversation with our everyday experiences, we can begin to envision alternatives.

What You Can Expect

This newsletter won't offer quick fixes or productivity hacks. Instead, I hope to provide:

• A sense that you're not alone in your struggles with work

• Clear frameworks for understanding systemic issues that often feel personal

• Historical context showing that our current work arrangements are neither inevitable nor natural

• Hope grounded in concrete alternatives rather than wishful thinking

Most importantly, I want this to be a space where we can stop blaming ourselves for not thriving in systems designed to exploit rather than nurture us.

While the majority of my posts on here will continue to be free, I am launching a paid tier to help fund this work. This will allow me to do revolutionary things like hire childcare help so I can write, and pay other people for their time when I do interviews, surveys, and guest posts. I will be aiming to publish two free posts per month, with paid links, recommendations, and discussion posts on the off weeks in-between. By the way, I know there are a lot of great authors to subscribe to, so if you want access to my posts but don’t want to pay for any reason, just let me know and I’ll add you to the list, no questions asked.

If this resonates with you, I hope you'll subscribe and join this conversation.

Share your own experiences if you feel comfortable. And know that your struggle isn't a personal failure—it's evidence of a system desperately in need of transformation.

In solidarity,

Becca